Monday, August 10, 2009

Is it August already?

And so goes another month in the life of the Long Party of Five. I just don't know where time seems to go these days... oh yeah, working, keeping up with three little ones, trying to organize our house, sew some new outfits for the kids, plan Anna's 5th birthday bash, plan Jack's baptism, and sleep just a tad...

August has become a melancholy month for me - it is the month I said goodbye to my Daddy. It's funny how certain months, dates, times become so significant for me. Sometimes I wish I was able to just distance myself - so I could let the days come and go with no remembrance - but then I wouldn't be me.

I've always celebrated the milestones - good and bad - which is why birthdays, anniversaries, holidays are so important to me.

As we come closer and closer to the day my dad took his last breath, I'm finding myself becoming increasingly anxious. I don't know why - it's just a day, right?

I'm not sure how I want to spend it. Right now I'm thinking of getting a bunch of balloons, picking the kids up early from school, taking them to the park, talking about my dad - and then letting them send their balloons up to him in heaven.

Or I could just bury my head in the sand and wallow a bit - but that's not nearly as productive.

I think I'm more at peace this year than in previous ones - I feel more able to look back on the memories of his life with smiles rather than tears. I think I'm coming to accept his death - even though I still hate it happened so early - and way too soon. But to be perfectly honest, I'm still pretty sad and angry - especially since Jack arrived - one more grandson that my dad never got to meet.

At any rate, Wednesday is rapidly approaching...

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