"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." ~ unknown
I’ve always been of the opinion that I’m a good forgiver – but not a good forgetter. That I can *somewhat* easily forgive the errs and hurts that go hand-in-hand with being in relationships with others, but struggle tremendously with the forgetting part. Because by nature, I’m one to fester. I’ll mull something over and over in my mind – replaying events leading up to the hurtful event – trying to figure out what went wrong, or how it could have been prevented. All the while telling myself that I forgive the act – but just can’t seem to forget that it happened.
And then today, I came across this quote. And I realized, I’m not such a good forgiver either. Because I don’t tend to give up on the ‘what could-have-beens.’ I don’t put the past behind me (to quote the Lion King) – rather – I seem to hang on to it – carrying it around with me in my trunk of emotional baggage.
It’s a hard thing to do – letting go of the hopes and dreams that the past could have been different. Letting go of the beliefs you had in others – that when you trusted them and grew your friendship that they be your friends ‘forever.’
I fear I’ll always struggle with this. I know the ‘right’ thing is to just let go – move on – say ‘oh well’ and ‘that’s that.’ But it’s a really hard thing to do.
Prayer. I think I need pray about this. And ask for help. A lot of it.