Monday, June 8, 2009

The Ballet Recital

Anna's first official ballet recital took place on May 19. This was her first experience on the "big stage". I wasn't sure how it would all play out - I figured it could go one of two ways - one, she would become even more of the diva she already is and love the proverbial roar of the crowd and smell of the greasepaint - or two, she would take one look at those bright stage lights and freeze up with the deer in the headlight look.

She had a dress rehearsal the Monday before - a complete dry run of costume, hair, make-up, and the all important first step onto the big stage. We talked about it before hand, and I tried to explain to her what it would be like on stage but I don't think anything could have prepared her for the reality of the size of the auditorium or the complete darkness of it.

It turns out, I had no reason to worry. Little star that she is did wonderfully, both at the dress rehearsal and at the performance. With the exception of one time when it looked like she was going to wander off stage left - she was amazing.

So there I was, the mom, sitting in the darkened auditorium next to D, Jack in my arms, James running up and down the aisle visiting the laps of various family members, and I found myself with tears in my eyes. As she walked on stage with her little pink tutu bobbing up and down, the tears came more readily, and my voice was caught in my throat.

There, on stage, was MY daughter. This little person who D and I prayed so long for had become a little girl. I could see visions of her at sixteen rather than the toddler I clearly remember.

It was at that moment that I missed my mom even more than normal. I wanted to hold her hand and smile with her as Anna did her arabesque's and plie's and twirled to the strains of Doris Day's "Que Sera Sera." I leaned over to Deonne and said "my mom should be here for this." And she should have - in person, not just in spirit.

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