Conversations from the Breakfast Table

I really wish I had a tape recorder handy to save some of the conversations that take place around my breakfast (and dinner) table.  (Crap - did I just date myself or what?  Who uses tape recorders anymore?)

Anyway - some of the random discussions we have are hilarious.  Thankfully the humor is not lost on me despite the chaos that is normally going on when I'm trying to get them all to the table.  With washed hands.  JAMES.

I've gotta start keeping track of these - so I can look back one day and remind myself of the innocence of their childhood.  And perhaps blackmail.

Here's one from yesterday.

7:40 am (FYI - The school bell rings at 8:00 at the kids' school. And on any given day it takes approximately 15 minutes for three kids to put on 3 jackets and 6 shoes.  Slip on Crocs and Emu boots, mind you.  Which is the topic of another post entirely.)

Picture me - trying to hurry Jack along to finish his breakfast while reminding Anna and James for the FOURTEENTH TIME to put their dishes in the sink, get their backpacks, go downstairs, put said shoes/jacket on, and get in the car. While making sure everyone has had their medicine, lunchboxes, books, and that I have my work laptop and all of the miscellaneous crap I haul around on any given day, while also grabbing leftovers from the fridge for lunch.

Jack:  Mommy?  What are you doing?

Me:  Putting my lunch together to eat at work.

Jack:  Oh.  What do you have?

Me:  Leftovers from last night.

Jack:  Oh.  I didn't like dinner last night.

Me:  Yes, Jack.  Thanks for the reminder.  Now can you please finish your waffle?

Jack:  Mommy?

Me:  Yes SWEETHEART?

Jack:  Where's your blankie?

Me:  My what?

Jack:  Your blankie.  For nap time.

Me:  Jack, sweetie, I don't have nap time at work.

Jack:  Well.  Where do you sleep?

Me:  Jack.  I don't get a nap at work.  Some days I barely have time to eat, or even go to the bathroom.  (yes, in retrospect, I realize that's probably too much information for a three year-old.)

Jack:  What?  No nap?

(Insert his befuddled look of complete shock.)

Me:  No.  No nap.  And you know what?  I take back every single time I protested napping as a small child.

Anna:  (interjects from the top of the stairs) Yeah, Jack.  When you get to be a big kid - you don't get to take naps anymore.

Me:  That's interesting that you say that Anna, miss smarty-pants, as if you miss taking naps - when YOU protest every weekend afternoon when I merely ask you to have some quiet time and read books.

Anna:  (no reply - just the eye-rolling stink eye as she FINALLY slinks down the stairs)

Jack:  Well when I grow up, I'm going to take naps.  I'm going to work as a worker and I'm going to get to take naps.

Me:  That's great Jack.  When you figure out what job that is that will allow you to take naps during the day, you let me know, m'kay?

Pause while Jack fiddles with his waffle, wads up his paper napkin, and turns his cup over - that thankfully is empty save a few remaining drops of milk.

Jack:  Mommy?

Me:  YES Jack?

Jack:  Did you know there's no kangaroos in Africa?

There is no response for this.