On the other, I'm deeply saddened not to be with my own mother. And worse, to be unable to talk to her or hear her voice - or know that she is aware how much she is loved and missed. To wonder if she was given the packages we sent - the homemade hand print apron the kids and I made - or the new sets of watercolor paints to use in her art therapy.
So it's a tough day. Bittersweet. That's the word that comes to mind.
So this year Mothers Day was no exception. I wish I could explain what it is like to look forward to a day with anticipation while at the same time dreading its impending date.
I couldn't have been more surprised to awake to the sound of 'pssssttt! Mommy! It's wake up time!' I have to admit - my first response was 'who is waking me up and more importantly WHY?' Because I have insomnia issues - and being able to be asleep at 8 o'clock in the morning was delicious to say the least.
But then I opened my eyes to my daughter - standing by my head - holding a cup of steaming coffee and a plate of toast.
And I cried.
Do you know in my whole entire life, I've never had someone bring me breakfast in bed? Well, except my own mom when I was ill with one of a variety of numerous childhood illnesses, but that doesn't count.
Deonne followed suit to snap some (unflattering) photos of us. And to tell me that breakfasting in bed was entirely the thought and implementation of Anna.
Following - we puttered around a bit - James was sick with a bronchial infection and not well at all. Deonne was trying to get the kids packed and ready - as we had intended to spend the weekend at his mom's house. Because part of the night away entailed staying out late to see fireworks at the local Poultry Festival (don't ask - it's the annual festival in his hometown - think carnival + entertainment + parade + misc. vendors...) we decided that James didn't need to go. We were both worried about him - as he was just so puny - so we decided I'd stay home with him while Deonne took the other two to his moms.
So we celebrated with lunch on the deck - and some sweet gifts from the children - complete with a great homemade card that they all helped make.
"... takes me special places."
"... butterfly pasta."
"...tucks me in."
"...takes me special places."
'My mom likes roses and butterflies.
I love her because she watches me play outside." James
And then they left - and James and I were alone - and we both felt sorry for ourselves (him for being unable to attend the festival - me for being without two of my children on Mothers Day - in addition to the regular sorrow and missing my own mom.)
So he and I had a date night of our own - saw the movie 'Pirates' in 3D - which was really cute by the way - then had dinner at Red Robin. Well, I had dinner - James picked at his - which if you know him - is a huge indication he wasn't feeling well at all. That kid eats like a horse.
Sunday morning brought a visit to the pediatrician - isn't that the epitome of Mothers Day? - and a quiet morning at home with movies - and rain. Why not, right? I felt like crying all day. When Deonne and the other two kids returned - they were like little rays of sunshine - and their laughter soothed my soul. Along with a great book my sister-in-law sent about the honest-to-god-reality/hilarity of motherhood. It made me laugh until I cried (happy tears) and helped me feel like I'm not the only mom who struggles with the awkward, irritating, sometimes gross things we get to deal with on a daily basis as mothers.
And as I watched my three loves splash in the evening rain, I again counted my blessings. All in all - it was a good Mothers Day.