Letting the Cat Out Of The Bag

I'm free to finally share the news.

FINALLY.

It's hard to keep one's mouth shut with news of this magnitude.  You've probably already guessed - or if we're friends on facebook have already read the big news - drum roll please... We're Moving!!!

We.  Are.  Moving.

Exciting.  Scary.  Nerve-wracking.

So after five years of looking for a new job, Deonne finally landed a great one.  Snatched up the proverbial golden ticket.  He'll be working for CDM Smith, an international engineering firm, heading up the new structural engineering department in their Fairfax, Virginia office.

I'm so proud of him.  For five long years he's been overworked and underpaid.  And I don't mean that in a cliche way - he's really been overworked (taking on the tasks of four engineers) and grossly underpaid.  His new salary is 67% higher than his current one, if that tells you anything.  He'll be working with the top engineers in his field - and mentoring junior engineers as he builds his team.  He's finally being appreciated for his worth - for the engineer he is - for his abilities and his creativity.

I can't say it enough.  I'm so proud - my heart is about to burst.

And here's the great part for our family.  Because he'll finally be compensated for what he's worth - I'll not have to work.  Let me say that again. I.  Will.  Not.  Have.  To.  Work.

I'll get to stay home with the kids, catch up on my soaps, and eat bon bons all day.  (that's total sarcasm there.)  What I will actually get to do is stay home with the kids.  Focus on them.  Work with Anna.  Not have our days consist of yelling at my children to hurry up and get in the car to get to daycare, then to hurry up and get in the car to go home, then hurry up and eat dinner to get in the bath, then hurry up and get the bath over to go to bed.

Oh, I know it will be hard - and I may run the risk of losing my sanity with involved conversations on a daily basis about Barbie and Thomas and Super Why.  But this is what I want.  What I crave.  I feel like I've missed out on my children's early childhood.  I missed their first steps and their first words.  They may not remember - but I do.  And while I don't want to beat myself up about what I missed in the past - I'm thankful beyond measure to focus on the things I'll be able to participate in - chaperoning field trips, volunteering in classrooms, taking leisurely trips to the library, spur of the moment picnics, lazy afternoons.

I know.  I'm making this out to be a lot more magical than it probably will be.  I'm sure after two hours I'll be begging to put on work clothes and get behind my desk.  Remind me of this fantasy when I start complaining.

But there's another part - the really good part.  My company wants to keep me as an employee on a part time/hourly basis. So I'll still have my foot in the door - and I'll still be needed to do the things that I like - from home - without having to be in an office.  I'll continue to write grants, design websites, create project brochures, update websites ... basically all of the things that I really like to do.  (And drop the tedious project management crap that I hate.)

I can't wait.

However, it looks like I'll have to.  Deonne reports to work on August 20.  Thankfully my rockin' cousin who lives in the area is going to rent a room to him in her home so he'll be with family - and won't have the expense of setting up an entire household until we can be together.  But even though he's getting a ginormous increase in salary - it's not enough to fund the expense of two households - especially given the housing prices in the DC metro area.  Meaning I get to stay in Columbia until our house sells.  With three children.  And a full time job.  By.  My.  Self.

Yeah - I'm a bit scared about that.  Not about the work involved in parenting three children (even though it will be significant.)  Rather it's the 'what ifs' that I'm so good at festering over.  What if someone needs to go to the hospital in the middle of the night?  What if I get a horrid stomach bug and can't function or take care of the kids?  What if a toilet breaks or a pipe bursts or Jack decides for the umpteenth time to turn on every light in the van on his way out, effectively draining the battery, and I have no means to jump start my car?

I think it's just the anxiety of it all.  The worry of caring for these three little lives without their Daddy around. (Not to mention that I'm going to miss my husband tremendously - well, except for his habits of leaving dirty socks all over the house...)

But if I keep my eye on the prize - if I keep focused on the good things to come - we'll be fine.

I hope.

In the meantime we'll be packing and throwing out and donating and preparing to spiff up our home for a (hopefully) very quick sale.